Goodbye 2015


Welcoming 2016 So much happened in 2015, I don't even know where to begin. I guess it really can't be broken down into some sort of chronological order, as the year was more about raised awareness as a whole over anything else. I'll try my best to sum it up. Here we go. 

Right before the new year hit, I became really unwell. My TMJ disorder went from bad to worse with vertigo that didn't allow me to walk up the steps, turn in my sleep or sit still for too long. It was a nightmare. My mother had to come from Texas to help my son with his school work (it was his freshman year) and assist my fiance in running the household while I used up whatever energy I had to get work done. I was really nervous that I would not be well for our inaugural #WeAllGrow Summit in February. After putting in so much work and effort since my hire in 2010, it would have been the biggest disappointment for me. The month of January was pivotal in my getting better. And by better, I mean functional. I had just started treatment with a GNM dentist and a NUCCA chiropractor, and was told that my neck was actually bent in the opposite direction and that my c1 and c2 was so twisted it was pulling my jaw. That explained the vertigo and countless symptoms I endured. They believe it was an old injury that progressively got worse and that it would take another two years for me to be back to normal. Yea. Two years. After letting that sink in for a bit I asked myself - what does it mean to be back to normal anyway? I didn't want to be "back" to anything. I wanted to come out of this healthier and happier than ever. I wanted my mind, body and soul to feel vibrant and alive in ways I had never felt. I knew it was going to take more than an orthotic to get me there but I had no idea where to start. But I was open and ready to take in whatever lesson came my way. And that's exactly what happened. 

In the darkness of this disorder, I encountered my own version of the ghost of Christmas past. The universe hand delivered a lesson to me in the form of my son's father, who presented a not-so-surprising scenario that led to he and I no longer co-parenting or speaking for that matter. Subsequently, my son and him had a falling out as well and they too stopped speaking. As angry as these situations made me at the time, it became a blessing in disguise. It gave me the silence and serenity I needed to focus on healing, which for me required digging in really deep. After all, this disorder gave me many signs over the years that I ignored. In the glory of our new peaceful life, my son's grades went up along with his confidence and self-reliance. All the confusion he felt as a child of divorce ceased. He sees things for what they are, and as a result he's maturing into an amazing young man. He and I go to family counseling together as well, so that we can talk about the deep stuff in a safe place and leave the fun stuff for home.

There cannot be light without darkness. And I had to go through some very uncomfortable stuff to get to where I wanted to be. I can sit and point the finger. That's much easier. But will I be happy? Will that make me fulfilled? No. I will never fully heal if I allow my ego to take over by externalizing everything. I needed to do the work, and I strongly believe that the events that unfolded were not a coincidence. 

As I spent 2015 shedding what no longer suits me, I started focusing on saying the word 'no' more often when it came to work. I started paying attention to what I was putting into my body. I started the process of decorating our home to represent all that I want to feel. Colors, textures and art livens me up and I want to be surrounded by it. I'm also fixing up the new art studio because there are a lot of things that I want to paint this coming year. I meditate at night before bed. I wake up and go for morning walks with my friends. My son and I spend a lot of quality time together just being us, hanging out, laughing, talking. And I'm in a loving partnership with my fiance.

My neck is still sore. I still feel unbalanced sometimes. My ligaments are so weak, they can't hold my neck adjustments for very long. My vision is blurry and I have a way to go, but my laughs are louder, my hugs are tighter and appreciation for good health and wellness is much stronger. 2015, you kicked my butt. In a good way.

What will 2016 bring? I don't know. I no longer make resolutions. They never really live up to the hype. It's all about what I want to feel in the end. I want abundance, joy, peace, laughter and lots of love. May I eat great food along the way, sip the best wine and check off a few proud moments in the journey of motherhood and my career. I know what I need to do to get there so expect lots of great stuff, my friends. Here's to a new year!